Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Hope is Tricky

This post is inspired by a recent conversation I had with a new friend of mine, Moriah! She is one of those people I am sure the Lord brought into my life to help me through this season. She has no idea how encouraging she is to me. Thanks, Moriah!

I thought the last couple of years were a little bit difficult. I distinctly remember thinking, in my optimism, that things can only get better. It's a nice, positive way to look at hard times. We dealt with loss of income, Parker needing an orthotic helmet 23hrs a day, and a very close friend's two year old was diagnosed with leukemia which was quite a blow to our family as well. But I still had tons of hope just bubbling up all inside of me. Cole was going to beat the cancer, Parker's skull would be reshaped and Jerry would find a better job. The Lord was going to take care of us.

But I also made the considerable mistake of thinking, "At least it can only get better from here." In other words, "It can't get any worse."

But, hope is a tricky thing. It makes you vulnerable and can set you up for terrible hurt and disappointment.

*trigger* When I first started to miscarry our baby last January I had hope. I hoped it was benign bleeding and even after passing everything I still hoped right up until the last ultrasound that somehow the baby was still in there. That taught me about hope.

Parker will see a developmental pediatrician for the first time this Thursday. Throughout this whole ordeal with his delays, people's sympathy tend to fall into one of two categories, both based on hope. One group hopes that he's just delayed (that he doesn't have autism). The other hopes that since we're catching it early he'll be better off and that treatments are available.... Both are well intended and appreciated.

But I've learned about hope. It's a great thing to have and for some reason I can't seem to shake it. In a way I'd like to because it scares me now. I know what it can cost you. But I named this blog Hope and a Future because the Lord promised each of us that His plans for us were to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future. (jer 29:11)

Right now I'm hanging by a thread on that verse. I don't trust hope anymore, but I do trust the Lord. I trust Him because I know I can. Even if He doesn't stop the bad things from happening, He's always a prayer away and He comforts me and helps me. Whatever it is, I know I don't have to face it alone. That's worth a lot.

So, don't give up on me Moriah! I do hear what you're saying! ;)


  1. ((HUGS))
    Hope is something that is always lingering on...otherwise life might be unbearable at times. Remember we are here for you.

  2. I'll never stop believing Heather, God really does not give us more then we can handle. I know there are times it seems we can't hold it together anymore, and bam out of the blue we get more strength. I know you hear me, and God not only brought me into your life he also brought you to me when I needed to remember these things as well. I love you Heather!
    Your friend always,

  3. Hey Heather
    Out of the blue I checked my email last nite and there you and your lovely family were..We spent many a morning together praying for different things Thank you for your friendship :)
    I've been in some of the places you have been --miscarriage and disappointments..But remember there is always joy around the corner--the laughter of your children, the love of your husband & family &friends God's faithfulness--it will carry you thru
    Keith & i just returned from our yearly trip to Duke for my brain scan to see if the anuerysms are gone every year I hope so but to no avail there they are all 3 of them but still we march on to whereever God leads..But HOPE still exists &lives on in us & in you & Jerry & the boys because of God's infinite love for us all
    Keep believing Sister Hope & Love & Joy will carry you thru